Ah, childhood. A time of skinned knees, boundless imagination, and… parenting techniques that would make modern-day child development experts clutch their pearls.
Let’s face it, our parents weren’t exactly walking manuals on “How to Raise a Functioning Human Being” (gasp!), and some of their methods for wrangling tiny humans were, well, a bit out there.
But hey, sometimes those “out there” methods actually got results (even if they were a little questionable).
So, grab a cup of coffee (because reminiscing is exhausting), and let’s delve into some of the parenting techniques from our past that, dare we say, we wouldn’t dare try on our own kids (but maybe, just maybe, secretly worked a little too well?).
Technique #1: The Public Shaming Spectacular
Remember that time you threw a tantrum in the grocery store, and your parent responded by announcing your full name and worst transgression to the entire aisle, complete with a dramatic sigh that could curdle milk?
Yeah, thanks for that, Mom and Dad.
This “public shaming spectacular” might have stopped the tantrum in its tracks (at least temporarily), but it also instilled a deep-seated fear of public displays of emotion that still makes karaoke nights particularly awkward.
Technique #2: The Fear Factor (Because a Healthy Dose of Anxiety Never Hurt Anyone… Right?)
This tactic involved your parents using every opportunity to warn you of potential dangers, both real and imagined.
Stranger danger lurked around every corner, and even crossing the street could turn into a potential near-death experience (according to your parents’ dramatic reenactments).
While this fear factor might have kept you safe (most of the time), it also could have given you a serious case of childhood anxiety that your therapist is still helping you unpack today.
Technique #3: The Silent Treatment: The Cold Shoulder Strikes Again!
Ah, the classic cold shoulder. This gem involved your parent refusing to speak to you after you did something wrong, leaving you feeling like you’d committed the social crime of the century.
The problem with this technique? It didn’t actually teach you anything.
You just ended up feeling confused, isolated, and maybe a little bit like you’d been banished to the parenting Siberia.
Open communication? Never heard of her!
Technique #4: The Magical Disappearing Act (Because Broken Toys Fix Themselves… Obviously!)
Remember that time your beloved stuffed animal met an unfortunate demise (ahem, thanks to your little brother), and your parents assured you the “toy hospital” would fix it good as new?
Fast forward a week, and your mangled plushie is nowhere to be found.
Replaced instead with a vaguely similar (and much less cuddly) substitute.
The magical disappearing act might have saved your parents a trip to the actual toy store, but it also taught you a valuable lesson about the impermanence of things you love (and the potential for your parents to be sneaky masterminds).
A Nostalgic Look Back (With a Side of Relief We’re Not the Parents Now)
Looking back, some of our parents’ techniques might seem a little unorthodox, even borderline cruel. But hey, they got us (mostly) well-adjusted adults who (hopefully) know the difference between healthy emotional expression and causing a scene in the cereal aisle (and the importance of a good therapist).
So, let’s raise a glass (or a cup of chamomile tea) to our slightly eccentric parents.
They may not have gotten everything right, but they did their best with the information they had.
And who knows, maybe someday our own kids will look back on our parenting techniques and think, “Wow, that was kind of weird, but it totally worked!” (Here’s hoping we don’t resort to the public shaming spectacular, though).
Let me know in the comments the weird and wonderful parenting techniques your mom and dad used to swear by 👇